In November 2020 I hosted a Clubhouse room and asked people to share their relationship green flags. I thought it would be helpful for people to shift their perspective and consider what they do want from friendships and romantic relationships, instead of what they don’t want.
Over 100 people joined the room to listen — and several people were brave enough to share some of their own relationship green flags. In total, 48 green flags were shared by contributors. You can read the full list below:
1. Someone who has a life outside of their relationship
2. Someone who is self-aware
3. Someone who can provide assurance to people they care about
4. Someone who can laugh at themselves
5. Someone who isn’t quick to jump to conclusions, and instead, asks questions
6. Someone who remains respectful during conflict
7. Someone who respects your boundaries
8. Someone who can communicate their own boundaries
9. Someone who can communicate well in general
10. Someone you can be vulnerable with, without worrying if they will throw your vulnerabilities in your face
11. Someone who treats people with compassion and kindness — particularly people who can do nothing for them
12. A good work ethic in general — and how a person interacts with co workers
13. Somebody who exposes you to new opportunities without fear of you getting ahead of them
14. Someone who celebrates your wins
15. Someone who understands that different view-points exist outside of their own
16. Someone who can keep secrets and keep confidential information private
17. Someone who recognises your potential and supports you with achieving it
18. A person who doesn’t see your success as a threat
19. A person who respects your autonomy
20. Someone who can read and recognise your body language, as well as your silence
21. Someone who wants to experience your joy with you
22. Someone who puts in the effort to get to know you
23. Someone who can be patient with you
24. A person who recognises the season you’re in and respects a shift in your priorities
25. A person who has a track record of healthy and long standing relationships
26. Seeing a person working on themselves in an intentional way
27. Someone who respects your time
28. Someone who speaks about their ex in a civil way
29. Someone who can take accountability and doesn’t see themselves as perfect
30. Someone who can say sorry — and display changed behaviour
31. A person who listens to understand
32. Someone who displays emotionally intelligence
33. A person who has taken time out to consider being in a relationship with you, your needs, and whether they have the capacity to fulfil them
34. Someone who makes the effort to learn your love language
35. Someone who can pause and understand your triggers
36. Someone who can forgive and doesn’t hold things against you
37. Someone who doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear
38. Someone who has their own mind
39. Someone who loves themselves and knows themselves
40. People who encourage you to speak and don’t talk over you
41. Someone who is secure and confident in themselves without being arrogant
42. Someone who is teachable
43. Someone that can teach you
44. Someone who cares but about their interior, not just their exterior
45. Friends who clap when you’re not looking
46. Someone who knows how to have fun
47. A person who is comfortable being alone
48. Someone who has worked on healing their past trauma
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this list. I also want to stress that context matters (which was mentioned in the Clubhouse discussion). Too much of a good thing can be bad, so please do consider this when reviewing some of the points on this list.
This list was put together to remind people of wonderful qualities in others to look out for. I hope you find it helpful.
